Once I was over the shock of it all, the love could rush in. There was a brief ramp-up period between 'oh crap' and in-love.. At first my logical mind was saying, wow, I have a new baby to take care of.. then all the anticipation of having my own son flooded in and I started seeing him that way.... That was the day we came home.. and every day beyond that has deepened my feelings.
I'm still getting over the emotion of the emergency C and the week of watching my wife in pain at the hospital. It could always be worse, but this was my worse. What I found extra scary is that Luke coming into this world had a similar energy to my experiences with my mother leaving this world. It brought back a lot of feelings around my Mom, who died suddenly and unexpectedly in my arms a couple of years ago. I felt like her spirit definitely was around, whether it is a part of Luke, or just around us all the time, it is a familiar feeling that makes it tough to distinguish. So, a lot has been stirred up for me, in every way.
I feel deeply about people close to me so it has been a very emotional ride. I'm getting better every day and appreciating the joy Luke has brought to our family. It is a joyous time of learning, which I really love.
-Carl
