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Emil
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« Reply #1320 on: April 22, 2017, 05:00:19 AM »

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"Today I didn't even have to use my A.K.
I got to say it was a good day"
    --Ice Cube
tmazz
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« Reply #1321 on: April 22, 2017, 03:39:31 PM »

The difference between Oo and oO

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."

On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it?"

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: Oo.

Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs

and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy.

"And how did you do?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"


"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. "I drew two circles like this: oO. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your @sshole before prison ..."
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Bob in St. Louis
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« Reply #1322 on: April 23, 2017, 06:58:11 AM »

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richidoo
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« Reply #1323 on: April 23, 2017, 06:09:45 PM »

I met a fairy who said she would grant me one wish.
Immediately I said, "I want to live forever."
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."
"OK," I said, "Then, I want to die after Congress gets some work done. "
"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.
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« Reply #1324 on: April 26, 2017, 06:11:37 PM »

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sleepyguy24
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« Reply #1325 on: May 16, 2017, 11:02:18 AM »

 ROFLMAO
https://plus.google.com/u/0/photos/photo/107187928576329015217/6420803239873935458?icm=false&sqid=114049704129959994412&ssid=389777aa-9d8f-4fe4-8176-dd093956e021
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tmazz
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« Reply #1326 on: May 19, 2017, 07:15:03 AM »

The Squirrels vs. The Church

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.
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richidoo
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« Reply #1327 on: May 21, 2017, 06:38:04 PM »

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Bob in St. Louis
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« Reply #1328 on: May 22, 2017, 03:54:50 PM »

Tomorrow at work I'm going to print that out and hang it.....

no I'm not.   Sad
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« Reply #1329 on: May 22, 2017, 06:38:31 PM »

You can hang up an imaginary copy in your mind.  Very Happy
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Bob in St. Louis
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« Reply #1330 on: May 23, 2017, 05:30:47 AM »

I've got the image open on another tab, so when "select" employees walk by, I open it up. Wink
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Not a professional speaker builder, just a guy who likes building things.
Thanks for the trumpet Rich!
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